Quick4

My weekends suck… and I struggle through them mightily. Why is that?

Well to start my weekends feel essentially purposeless and a “waste of time". I want to do anything and everything and…. It’s overwhelming… in the past people had pulled me anywhere and everywhere by trying to get me on their schedules (parties, bar sync-ups, etc.). Covids really added a lot of value there in my life. I no longer have to deal with emotional noise from my rejections of other people’s “schedules".

One thing to think of here is I don’t schedule time with my closest friends and I haven’t heard from them overall… so with the chicken and the egg happening here… is it me? Or is it them? Do I care?….. maybe… and definitely yes when I don’t have a purposeful weekend schedule.

So what brings me to writing this… the very first weekend of lockdown… I was in disarray… I wanted a break and change in my life and BOOM covid dropped the opportunity in my lap…. Then I froze… I had nothing to do with all this time I desperately wanted to have back in the “normal times".

I’ve continued to struggle with this because I’ve reached out to fri new who I find motivating (well I should say I had found motivating)…. And there was no will to connect with each other beyond the lockdown issues. So again… why is it that I’d care (ie: be motivated or have a desire to)… about getting with people to do things (even virtually if it’s mentally stimulating enough)…. And there was nothing to do. No one was pushing themselves to understanding or accomplishing more…. And I was cast as some sort of weirdo (think and grow Rich folks!… I’m just unique or uniquely creative haha)….

So anyway there’s a lot to unbox there but I’m trying to “bury" a lot of misnomers in this piece it seems. The biggest being it as dangerous to come to Toronto to sit in my backyard essentially haha…. Then it turned out that my parents lived in a “hot spot” and I lived in one or the most covid free neighbourhoods in Ontario (Toronto really but I’m basking in my own extreme conceptual realities here haha.)….. and back to the topic at hand.

“You’re born alone and you’ll die alone"… a key statement that is foundational to my work with my performance team! (Which is say includes my Mother and Sister as key references that I cherish in such a way that their inputs are tantamount to mine and the teams… they are truly amazing human beings and covids blessed me with growing even closer with them.. something that I’d probably consider we impossible given how close I’d have ranked us pre-covid…. Think and grow Rich!!! Cannot be understated)…

So to the topic at hand… my weekends are horrible… they suck… they’re boring…. They’re purposeless… there’s no “work to do"…. And that’s probably it… I need “work to do"… to make my days worthwhile… I’m beginning to not understand why the name of the day matters?

Why do I have nothing “purposeful” to do on weekends… it depends on me and how I understand my own story.

With reopening happening soon and some normalcy coming back into my schedule recently… I’ve found some key references outside of my “lifestyle” circle (the perf team + 5 core inputs/friends…. Of which I know 3–4 of and they are sooo sooo motivating for me!)…. The circle helps me understand my story and what I expect from it… and I expect to be the best I can be everyday… period. Regardless of whether that’s a work day or a weekend.

I’ve been watching Loki and episode 5 is just some unbelievable TV… but it’s Monday I’m walking to work and I feel like I’m “burdened with glorious purpose"…. And I woke up motivated… woke up thinking of solutions to problems I remembered from Thursday/Friday….. yesterday I had a flag football game and…. My whole day centered around being the best I can be for that game… we lost but I couldn’t have been happier with my “purposeful” approach to being at my best for it.

After that game though…. My weekend devolved into garbage time… with no purpose.

Jumping on the subway now…. So there’s more to come on this one but… what a contrasting observation. I’m hopeful I can get to the bottom of it soon!